Deep Breathing: Child-Friendly Strategies
Earlier this week, I told my four-year-old son to pick up 5 blueberries from the ground and throw them in the trash. He has a two-year-old sister, so food on the ground is pretty typical around here. He said “Okay!” Then he looked to the ground, and I saw his face quickly drop from happy to confused to overwhelmed. He did not know where to start. How often have I had that feeling? Looking into his face, I felt as though I was looking into a mirror.
I remember as a teenager, coming home from school with so much homework, that I would crash on the couch and sleep. That feeling of overwhelm completely stopped me in my tracks. My parents would tell me to take a deep breath and start on one thing, but I hated (and still do) when people tell me to take a breath. Yet, it’s still advice we give today, and a skill I spend several sessions working on with kids and their parents. Why??
Deep breathing actually has a lot of scientific evidence behind it:
Deep breathing has been shown to reduce the levels of stress hormones (such as cortisol) in our body.
It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which slows the heart rate, lowers blood pressure, increases oxygen intake. This helps signals to our body that it is safe to relax.
It shifts our attention away from the stressor and to something we can be fully present in and in control of: the act of breathing.
How I explain this to the kids I work with is that deep breathing is one way to pause and help our thinking brain catch up to our feeling brain, so we can effectively solve or manage the problem at hand.
Here are some fun ways to teach deep breathing to your kids (and practice yourself!)
Chocolate Chip Cookie Breathing
Let's imagine chocolate chip cookies (or your child's favorite baked good) just came out of the oven and I put one on a plate for you. But it's too hot to eat!
Together, let's smell it (breathe in through nose, imagine cookie smell) and blow on it (breathe out through mouth).
Birthday Candle Breathing
Hold your fingers up like they are birthday candles, and have your child blow them out.
You can make it a little more fun by pretending they are relighting candles or that not all the candles were blown out the first time.
Book Breathing
Have your child lay on the ground and place a book on their stomach.
Ask your child to push the books up (breathe in) and then down (breathe out).
Bubble Breathing
Blowing real bubbles is a great (and fun!) way to teach deep breathing! Pinwheels, feathers, pom poms, and straws are other great ways to practice deep breathing.
Five Finger Breathing
Hold one hand out. Trace each finger up as you breathe in and trace each finger down as you breathe out.
When you are done, use the other hand for five more breaths.
Giphys/Gifs
For older kids, there are lots of fun gifs on the internet. I used this one during one of the most stressful times of my life - graduate school: https://giphy.com/embed/krP2NRkLqnKEgvia GIPHY
Count to 10
Breathe in ONE, Exhale TWO,
Breathe in THREE, Exhale FOUR,
Breathe in FIVE, Exhale SIX,
Breathe in SEVEN, Exhale EIGHT
Breathe in NINE, Exhale TEN
Teaching children coping strategies can be difficult. I recommend teaching and practicing these skills daily when no one is upset, just like you would practice your basketball skills before the game. Make it fun! Then maybe, just maybe, in a difficult moment, they will try the strategy out.
What did I do in that moment with my four-year-old son? I started breathing. Deep, slow breaths. I let him see me model the skill that took me too long to learn myself. And he began to breathe with me.
If your child is struggling with emotion dysregulation and teaching coping skills is not cutting it, reach out to my office today. I’d love to join your child’s team and help them be the best they can be.
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Citations and other great resources:
Coping Skills for Kids. (n.d.). Deep Breathing Exercises for Kids. Coping Skills for Kids. https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids
Relaxation techniques: Breath control helps quell errant stress response. Harvard Health. (2020, July 6). https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
Research: Why breathing is so effective at reducing stress. Harvard Business Review. (2021, September 17). https://hbr.org/2020/09/research-why-breathing-is-so-effective-at-reducing-stress
Five-finger breathing. Cedars-Sinai. (n.d.). https://www.cedars-sinai.org/content/dam/cedars-sinai/community-benefits/documents/five-finger-breathing.pdf
